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focused on a blurrotating... [repeated quietly in the intro]
around my head
are the humming wires
which are building me
a smell of dread
the oil drips from my poor circuitry
and i am waiting
waiting for you
and i don't know
when or who or what you are
lost in waiting, waiting for the hour when...
all of this is clear again and i can see the road ahead
i think i'll know i think i'll know i think i'll know i think i'll know
all of this is clear again and dust is is not in my vision
i know i'll know i know ill know i know i'll know i know i'll know
I am just staring
staring staring in a stagnant sea
and all i see are reflections (of the inside)
this is all i can know
[voice 2] I am just displaying
displaying for the one to see
what he really wants
is beneath even me
but believe me he'll know when...
[still voice 2] all of this is clear again and he can see what lies ahead
i know he'll know i know he'll know i know he'll know i know he'll know
yeah i think he'll know... when...
Teenage TaoismGiving birth is the closest I’d ever felt to dying.
Before that, my near death experiences had consisted only of my silent announcement of pregnancy—silent, being that my social media accounts were all deleted almost simultaneously and I never returned to school in the fall, saying without really saying that I had caught the malicious disease of “teenage pregnancy”. I’m sure the whisper spread in the hallways like the Bubonic Plague. That September, sitting at home on what would have been the first day of my senior year, I imagined friends I’d never talk to again saying “she was only seventeen, and so full of life!” at my absence in the cafeteria tables, as if they were attending my funeral instead of talking about me behind my back.
"Full of life," I had snorted then, folding a never ending stream of what had once been my own baby clothes. "Literally."
I walked around like a zombie for the months of my pregnancy, deciding t
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